I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
