I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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