Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
