What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
