There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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