Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
