The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
