I'm sorry my penis didn't work
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
