I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
