I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
