guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
