You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
