i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
