i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
