his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.