I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
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All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
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Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean