Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
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I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I deserve this hangover.