Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
