Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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