Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My vagina just clenched in fear
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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