Texts From Last Night

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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain

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  (302): I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain http://tfl.nu/18xp
  Replies (22) Good night (1254) Bad night (4225)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.

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  (248): Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn. http://tfl.nu/n0iu
  Replies (8) Good night (3064) Bad night (718)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.

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  (503): So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk. http://tfl.nu/hko9
  Replies (24) Good night (936) Bad night (5608)
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  (949): View more from California

  When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'

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  (949): When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger' http://tfl.nu/z4iq
  Replies (23) Good night (5213) Bad night (1155)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.

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  (317): Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world. http://tfl.nu/k8j3
  Replies (13) Good night (956) Bad night (2926)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...

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  (318): you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back... http://tfl.nu/qoth
  Replies (7) Good night (709) Bad night (2754)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.

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  (202): I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other. http://tfl.nu/g6xu
  Replies (24) Good night (4659) Bad night (1051)
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  (661): View more from California

  It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas

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  (661): It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas http://tfl.nu/7a5h
  Replies (9) Good night (1513) Bad night (746)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  Ooooh. Get funfetti

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  (413): Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me. (1-413): Ooooh. Get funfetti http://tfl.nu/46m2
  Replies (7) Good night (2792) Bad night (667)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground

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  (252): We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground http://tfl.nu/v1ru
  Replies (8) Good night (1988) Bad night (465)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.

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  (785): They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though. http://tfl.nu/ta81
  Replies (2) Good night (1310) Bad night (450)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work

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  (778): First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work http://tfl.nu/03ii
  Replies (12) Good night (2340) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  So what are you going to be for halloween?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.

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  (425): So what are you going to be for halloween? (503): A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus. http://tfl.nu/q6dw
  Replies (2) Good night (1463) Bad night (361)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.

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  (902): I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks. http://tfl.nu/hv7j
  Replies (5) Good night (821) Bad night (286)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.

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  (518): I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting. http://tfl.nu/hrww
  Replies (2) Good night (802) Bad night (201)

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