Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet

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(403): you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet http://tfl.nu/6v3o

Replies (54) Good night (1441) Bad night (4331)
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(206): View more from Washington

tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth

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(206): tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth http://tfl.nu/91m9

Replies (16) Good night (1459) Bad night (3389)
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(440): View more from Ohio

I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.

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(440): I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues. http://tfl.nu/ej4i

Replies (5) Good night (2768) Bad night (1038)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.

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(519): Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him. http://tfl.nu/z0om

Replies (3) Good night (1374) Bad night (649)
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(205): View more from Alabama

I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.

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(205): I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick. http://tfl.nu/9o5a

Replies (5) Good night (1632) Bad night (588)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.

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(601): Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce. http://tfl.nu/tk1l

Replies (6) Good night (506) Bad night (2394)
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(661): View more from California

random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them

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(661): random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them http://tfl.nu/utqt

Replies (1) Good night (1325) Bad night (431)
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(256): View more from Alabama

He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."

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(256): He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment." http://tfl.nu/ioax

Replies (6) Good night (2118) Bad night (551)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.

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(847): I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic. http://tfl.nu/aejw

Replies (8) Good night (1116) Bad night (744)
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(775): View more from Nevada

He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can

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(775): He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can http://tfl.nu/kb09

Replies (17) Good night (1443) Bad night (847)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I'm your Election Erection Connection

(860): View more from Connecticut

I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.

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(503): I'm your Election Erection Connection (860): I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had. http://tfl.nu/1sjz

Replies (9) Good night (1486) Bad night (448)
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(631): View more from New York

I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.

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(631): I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping. http://tfl.nu/09a4

Replies (3) Good night (410) Bad night (654)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.

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(816): Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire. http://tfl.nu/gpak

Replies (5) Good night (888) Bad night (517)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!

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(443): Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch! http://tfl.nu/w5ox

Replies (2) Good night (505) Bad night (227)
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(406): View more from Montana

Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here

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(406): Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here http://tfl.nu/0r5v

Replies (1) Good night (247) Bad night (197)

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