Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"

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  (330): Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)" http://tfl.nu/e61w
  Replies (31) Good night (1224) Bad night (4924)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me

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  (713): So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me http://tfl.nu/r4q8
  Replies (12) Good night (1221) Bad night (7134)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks

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  (443): And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks http://tfl.nu/r3ru
  Replies (5) Good night (1685) Bad night (1397)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?

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  (847): He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people? http://tfl.nu/g8mb
  Replies (15) Good night (5156) Bad night (1557)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat

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  (781): you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat http://tfl.nu/04qy
  Replies (8) Good night (3169) Bad night (1001)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it

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  (785): you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it http://tfl.nu/h3ck
  Replies (6) Good night (4379) Bad night (1800)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.

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  (586): I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me. http://tfl.nu/23ps
  Replies (8) Good night (4169) Bad night (891)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.

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  (804): Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care. http://tfl.nu/7tzw
  Replies (20) Good night (1370) Bad night (4268)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.

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  (214): Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming. http://tfl.nu/yp4i
  Replies (21) Good night (1556) Bad night (1462)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.

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  (816): Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year. http://tfl.nu/x2rq
  Replies (8) Good night (664) Bad night (1467)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before

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  (615): I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before http://tfl.nu/iyr5
  Replies (0) Good night (660) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.

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  (573): Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room. http://tfl.nu/y8jv
  Replies (3) Good night (660) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.

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  (248): IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD. http://tfl.nu/67ij
  Replies (6) Good night (1045) Bad night (512)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.

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  (250): all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot. http://tfl.nu/zlsh
  Replies (2) Good night (475) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.

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  (517): I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first. http://tfl.nu/5h2f
  Replies (0) Good night (392) Bad night (348)

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