I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
