I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
