i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
