Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
