I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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