are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
