Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
