Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
