She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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