I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
