The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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