i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
