possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
