I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
