i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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