ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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