I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
