he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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