Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
