I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
