i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
