I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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