I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I could fuck to npr.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
