I think I won the penis lottery.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
