FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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