Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
