this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
