I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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