Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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