whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
