nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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