"it" just moved
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
