is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single