Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.