I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
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he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
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MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.