Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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