Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
