I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
