you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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