The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
