"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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