Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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