Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
