Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
