there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
