if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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