The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's never too late to be topless.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize