How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
