So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
