You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
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I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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