between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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