i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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