is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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