Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
