he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
