yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
