i already hear my dad disowning me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
