TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
