TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
